i am such an idiot. i push and push and push until what i didn't want to happen, happens. the one friend i had. the one person that meant the world to me. the person who gave me advice. the person who cared about me. i ruined all of it by being so insecure. why do i keep behaving this way? this person wanted the best for me (and probably still does), but i wore them out. i forced them to become tired of me.

i feel emptier than i normally do. i'm scared.

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