what the fuck? i had a day with the "family" at the lake today. the weather was beautiful, it was fun to lay out, etc. but i was with my "husband" and stepdaughters. how much fun could that be??? maybe years ago it would have been fun, but it is torture now. we (the husband and i) don't talk. we don't touch. we don't do anything together. why the hell did i even go? appearances, my dear. i just felt for the stepdaughters that it would be a nice idea to spend the day together. that's what i get for feeling.

anyway, i'm totally empty. i'm actually weak from being depressed. i'm making plans to remove myself from this. only plans right now, but hopefully they will come to fruition. only time will tell. only time.

that's it. emptiness. appearances. misery. complete loneliness.

<< >>