well. the evil devil bitch's daughter (i.e. my stepdaughter) told her dad three things tonight. shut up. you're stupid. go to hell. i asked him if she could go back and live with her mother (i.e. the evil devil bitch) and he said no. i was honest in saying that things have been better. but i'm starting to wonder if now they will be worse. or the same as last year at this time. is it wrong that i really don't want to talk to her? every time i start feeling comfortable, she says something like tonight. it's not directly said to me. but it is close enough because it is my husband. this is ridiculous. i'm sick of being on the roller coaster. what a silly cliche. but honestly, this is my life.

i subbed today in sixth grade. wow. hormones. disrespect. anger. poor kids. it was a tough day. tomorrow (today) is learning support. i love the school, the kids. i'm hoping for a good day. i'm planning on taking classical music for the kids to listen to during the day. i think this will be good.

i sat outside during the stormy weather. it was beautiful. i saw streaks of lightning. i watched the glass shake on the house across the street when it thundered. i was mesmerized. this was one of the little things in life. i really need those.

four new books on rwanda. today i started 'machete season'. it is a book that has interviews with the killers. americans have no idea what it is like to live that way. we are so safe, secure. i will leave someday.

tonight i'm pondering about my life. what is important? am i? what can i do to make a difference for someone else? why? why? why?

maybe i'm silly, emotional, sappy. i'm okay with that tonight.

xo

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