back from poland since monday night. and did i want to come back to the states? absolutely not. i even said the words, "i don't want to go home" to my dear friend, monika. i don't like home. i like being in poland. people truthfully love me there. i have friends. i received many hugs and much love while i was there. i felt like i was wanted. that is the only feeling i crave in life. just to feel that i belong and that people care about me. i had this feeling every day while i was there. mostly, we don't speak the same language, but we did not need words. the love was obvious. our group did much work during our time there. i felt as though i didn't do as much as last year though. last year, i put down a concrete floor! this year, i did crappy window work. it needed to be done, but i just didn't feel as though i did as much hard work this year. the three teenagers that were with us did very well. they worked hard and they had a good time. i think they enjoyed themselves very much. i'm missing my 'family' from there very much this evening. i wish i was there with them.

other than that, things are typical here in my life. the 14-year-old stepdaughter came back from her mother's today. all that i have said to her is "hi". and really, this is all i want to say. i'm done caring. she is very selfish and blind when it comes to her mother. whatever. she wants to move back there. i'm not sad. i do feel badly for my husband though. he gets crap continuously...all because of his ex-wife. she is really evil. honest! and our attorney is still pretty useless. as i said, very typical.

i've been to the doctor this week already. my foot was very swollen after we got back. when i called the doctor, the nurse said that it could be blood clots. so i went and had an ultrasound done of my leg. thankfully, there were no blood clots. also, i got tested for diabetes and my blood tests came back normal! woo hoo...i'm healthy! at least physically.

tomorrow i'm going to see my mom. she's looking forward to this and so am i. i can't wait to give her the amber pendant i got for her in poland. it is sterling silver with an amber heart. it is very pretty and i thought of my mom as soon as i saw it. we will go to the mall and shop and stay up too late and it will be wonderful!

i'm currently reading a book by romeo dallaire about the genocide in rwanda in 1994. what an amazing story. i can only read a few pages at a time because it is too emotional for me to read all at once. he saw so much and lived through a hell that i cannot imagine. someday i will travel there so that i can understand. habitat builds houses there. it sounds like the perfect opportunity for me.

i'm very melancholy this evening and i'm listening to joni mitchell. it's very fitting for my mood. she is brilliant. i love her. have you listened to 'both sides now'? if not, you really should. it's beautiful.

i'm lonely and tired. i think i'm done babbling. thank you for reading! take care and much love.

xoxo

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