back from ireland since last monday night. can't believe i'm back here and not there with my friends. the time there was wonderful, but it went by way too quickly. much love and laughter and some guinness, too. i really love my friends. i feel much more at home with them than i do here. in my house. seriously.

end of the semester craziness. this week of classes and then exams next week. i'm cramming to get everything finished this week. and why is that? i am a procrastinator. possibly the best(worst) in the world. i can't believe how much work i have to do. i believe i will stay up very late tonight to get everything finished. it is my own fault, so i will just suck it up and do what i have to do. next semester should be better. i'm depending on that.

things at home are average. the house is a pigsty and no one can be bothered to do anything. it pisses me off, but i'm not saying anything anymore. i rarely talk about anything at home anymore. the feelings of ambivalence are really rather shocking to me. i just don't care much at all about anything. i want to be worried, but i can't find the energy. i have not been truly happy in a long time. there are moments of joy here and there, but generally....nothing.

one moment of joy this morning. i went to the second grade class where i have done observations earlier this semester. the teacher is wonderful, and the students are very sweet. there are a lot with problems (attention issues, home issues, academic issues) but they are very lovable. anyway, mrs. h said to me, "you are a natural". that really meant a lot to me. especially after all the struggles this semester and with this nothingness at home. for someone to say a sentence like that, with such meaning....yes, a moment of joy. people do believe in me. i will be a teacher!

much more to say....not enough time. i'm off to school. i can do this. the semester is almost over. HOORAY!

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