is it very wrong for me to be tired of living in my house? three stepchildren....i have no peace in this house. they are selfish, loud, mean, inconsiderate, messy, disrespectful, whiny, and did i mention mean? i'm so tired of being spoken to like i am a 7th grader. i don't even want to be in the same room as them most of the time. their mother is an evil bitch, and these children show characteristics of her every day. i can't speak to my husband about it, because he won't listen to me. ever. seriously. so here is my venting. and i really can't even get my thoughts together enough to say what i'm really thinking. i hate to complain. when i think of the real problems others have in their lives, my 'problems' are so trivial. but i'm just tired of being shit on all the time. i want to love them. i want to take care of them. but i don't want to be around them. honestly. they just aren't nice. i have nothing to talk about with them. most of the time i just want to be alone in a room. and i can't even do that! i have to leave the house to be alone. things have not gotten better with them. i thought there would be a time of adjustment, and then things would start to get better. nope. not happening so far. and i feel like a terrible person for the way i am feeling. as i type, i don't even know what i am feeling. anger? sadness? exhaustion? pity? pissed off? what? i really don't know. i just know that i am not happy. and being in my house is never where i want to be. it is the place that i don't want to come after i'm done with classes. it is the place that i dread. i don't want to be here. ever. things here are always the same. and the same is not good. honestly. there are moments that are okay, but in an ordinary day things are bad. and on the days that i don't see them, i'm actually glad. that is so awful! i really hate feeling this way. i thought when they moved in that things would be great. that they would see what love is and that they would be happy and kind and loving. why did i think that would happen? it really hasn't happened. they just complain about everything. though we have had custody of them since august, we have not gotten a penny of child support from the evil ice queen (their mother). our lawyer is useless and there is no court order on file. so, s is paying for everything. and giving those ungrateful children an allowance. and they complain because they buy things and go to dances, etc. this is why he gives them money. so they can have the responsibility of doing what they want and/or saving their money. they just don't get it. they always ask for money or complain about the money they do get. i have NO money. and i just do what i have to do. and i clean the house, etc. they do NOTHING. they make messes but they don't clean them. ever. never. and a couple nights ago i had a beer can on the floor in the living room. s said, "can you take that to the kitchen?" all of the junk and garbage those children leave around the house and he picks my one beer can. this is very typical. and i laughed. and i said, "all of the mess the kids make and you pick out my one beer can..." of course, he didn't understand why i would say that. we are really only friends, if anything. and here i am, accepting the way things are. do i want them this way? no. but i really don't know what to do. i love my husband. i honestly do. he is a beautiful man. we just have no relationship anymore. and why? is it because we are busy? is it because the kids are living here? what is it? i honestly don't know. but i feel sorry for myself. i really do. and i hate feeling that way, but i don't know what other way to feel. i am lonely. and sad. now i sound selfish. and i probably am. but this is how i feel. boo hoo for me, right? blah....i am such a loser. and this is all i can say right now. i have many more things on my mind, but no more words.

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