i'm so funny (pathetic).... what am i still doing here? i keep making really good excuses....but here i am, being fucking miserable. i'm an idiot. and i like to believe in real life, i'm a smart woman. but when it comes to my "marriage", i wonder what the fuck i'm doing. is it love? is it loneliness? is it not believing that i would be okay on my own? you know, there are days when i think.....okay, i'm just going to be happy and loving, etc. and the funny thing? it always backfires in my stupid face! i don't want to be stupid. i'm usually not. i don't understand why i am TOTALLY stupid in this. i'm not asking for pity, but i am asking for love/support/comments about life, etc. what would you do? and please don't flippantly say.... you should just leave. think about what that would mean for you....

i'm sorry. i value WHATEVER you have to say. even if it's negative/accusatory/etc. i just don't know what i'm doing...

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